you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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