I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
