Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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