Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
