I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize