Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
