Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
