Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
