just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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