i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
