My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
