My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
