forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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