thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
