After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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