dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
