Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
