apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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