"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
