He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
