We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Randomize
