Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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