just tell him i said nine months
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
