that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
