Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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