i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
