i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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