So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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