TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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