the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
