saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need to calm my uterus...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
