I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
