My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i can't believe i had my finger in that
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
