Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
