You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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