I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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