Soap is not a condiment
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I met the friendliest cop last night
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
