I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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