Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
