yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Farmville is her only friend.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
