ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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