and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
