dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
