So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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