What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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