oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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