my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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