Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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