It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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