im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
