when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
