Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
