Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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