Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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