We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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