Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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