i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
