D3 body, D1 cock
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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