Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
