I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
