im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
