I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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