i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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