dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
