By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
