google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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